I spin, swim, and peddle all at once. I rocket about Hollywood's power centers with all of the precision and accuracy of a high-powered NATO missile. I'm marching towards fame with unflagging speed and volcanic ambition. Starlets clamor for my attention while fast talking media moguls stutter and stammer like schoolchildren when in my presence.  An accomplished synchronized swimmer, I'm also an avant-garde gambler. I trudge through swamps and hike through dark caves but my sleek physique is left unscathed. I canoe through fjords, surf over lava and trample half-stepping lay-abouts without remorse. I'm Louis XVI with flavor and Henry VII with sass. I'm Johnny Cash in white and Mark Twain in black. I joust, rumble and roar. Even casual acquaintances know that I plot against my enemies with dark and forbidding imagination. I run with the wolves, fly with the angels and swim with the sharks. My biceps glow with pride and fury. I write fiction like Flaubert, satire like Shakespeare and poetry like Paz . I neither embrace, nor deny the fact that some people's heads are far too big for their bodies. I leap over fences, walk on hot coals and wrestle buffalo in the rain. I ride tandem bikes alone and hunt salmon with spears. I can discourse at great length with regard to tribal disputes in Nigeria, nuclear proliferation in Eurasia and urban sprawl in Tehran. I shadow box with slippery featherweights and swap yo-mamma jokes with Danish royalty. I'm manic, moody and mercurial. I streak about the skyline draped in gold and wear rabbit skins socks while I slumber. I sweep into your psyche and challenge your most sacred held literary beliefs. I devour weighty tomes in record time and can recite from The Book Of Revelation without incident. I speak Flemish, French, Farsi. I overcome unsuspecting crowds much like a violent tidal wave crashes about the South Pacific. I take my tea in the company of bi-coastal wine brokers atop Nob Hill and engage in vigorous games of Jali with visiting foreign dignitaries. It is not uncommon for me to saunter about town clutching a see-through cane filled with ocean water and dangerous tropical fish. I stomp about the landscape like a thunderous herd of bison and light up the sky with my unbridled optimism.  I am a paragon of male animus, a descendant of Darwin and an advisor to God.