John McCain delivered a memorable and highly unlikely acceptance speech last night that was heralded by Republicans as a monumental achievement, and dismissed by the Obama campaign as a cheap political stunt that degraded the American political process. But one thing is certain: America has seen nothing remotely like it in its 250-year history. 

It was clear Mr. McCain's acceptance speech would be unusual when he was introduced by the actor Sylvester Stallone, who was dressed as John J. Rambo, the tenacious film character he made famous nearly three decades ago. As soon as Mr. Stallone appeared onstage with a sleeve of grenades wrapped around his waist and a smoldering surface to air missile strapped to his back, the party faithful stomped, roared and started chanting "Kick Some Ass!" and “Drill Baby Drill!”. Midway through Mr. Stallone's remarks, a woman from the Mississippi delegation was escorted from the arena after standing on her chair, pulling down her overalls and exposing her buttocks, revealing a tattoo that said, "Eat This Ben Linden," apparently a misspelled reference to Osama Bin Laden. 

After Mr. Stallone's well-received remarks, the lights in the arena went dim and a hush fell over the crowd. The anticipation built for several minutes before the roof of the arena made an enormous decompressing sound and then split and peeled slowly back, revealing the star filled Minnesota sky. 

Then the stage lit up, revealing a small rocket launcher, a few bamboo buckets and a band of barefoot Vietnamese men wearing shabby green fatigues with Obama ‘08written across their backs. The Vietnamese men started shouting and pointing to the sky. Some of them strapped on helmets and one of them mounted the rocket launcher. Many in the crowd booed and hissed while a group of delegates started shouting, "Go Home Japs!"

From somewhere unseen, a low muffled rumbling sound shook the arena, sending a wave of concern through the crowd. Through the roof and far into the distance a small plane appeared, rumbling towards the arena and growing larger and larger until it became clear that it was an F-16 fighter jet. Some people clapped. Others ducked for cover. Sean Hannity, the conservative political commentator, vomited into his hands.

The Vietnamese men fired their rocket, which slammed with authority into the F-16, producing a ball of flames and debris that rolled swiftly into the distance, leaving only a cloud of smoke behind. Former Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz sprinted from the arena shouting, "We're under attack!"

Moments later, an ejected pilot emerged from the smoke, descended into the arena and crashed onto the stage. The Vietnamese ripped off the pilot’s helmet and propped him up for the crowd to see. The 3rd battalion of the Marines Corps rose, stood at attention and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, the next commander-in-chief of the United States John S. McCain!”

Senator McCain, fatigued and drenched in sweat, smiled and nodded as the arena broke into a deafening roar. Mr. McCain then attempted to wave to the crowd, but was prevented from doing so by the Vietnamese men, who upended and carried him to the side of the stage, where he was deposited unceremoniously onto a spartan bed and propped up to face the assembly. A member of the Georgia delegation shouted, “Let him go you gook liberals!” while images of churches and country music stars appeared on the giant television screen.

The Republican nominee for President was handed a red, white and blue microphone and, with an AK-47 held to his temple, quieted the crowd before shouting, “I’m John McCain and I was a prisoner of war!” The hall erupted in raucous applause and chanted, “P.O.W!” and “We Hate Chinks!” while Paul Wolfowitz was seen pulling a comb full of saliva across his head as he stepped gingerly back into the arena. 

From his prisoner of war bed, Senator McCain gestured to his captors and then began his improbable acceptance speech by saying, “These tax loving liberal gooks beat and tortured me for six and a half years. All these commies talked about was how they loved teachers unions and big government health care!” The crowd booed and hissed, but briefly cheered when the giant screen displayed footage of Chuck Norris drop kicking a hippie. 

Senator McCain largely avoided policy details and instead focused on his prisoner of war story, while aggressively associating Mr. Obama with his Vietnamese captors, whom he portrayed as both sadists and traditional liberal Democrats. Mr. McCain, mindful of his opponent’s historic speech last week, made history of his own by becoming the only nominee for president of either party to deliver an acceptance speech at gunpoint. He also became the first nominee to deliver his remarks from a bed. The Obama campaign released a statement minutes after the Republican nominee’s speech, in which they strongly denied Mr. McCain’s claims that Mr. Obama has, on three occasions, defecated upon the American flag, and once participated in a homosexual orgy that included Osama Bin Laden, Hugo Chavez and Tim Robbins.